Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Sometimes observing people in their daily routine and discerning the small things embedded in a culture can be more telling than political or economic accounts. Here are some sporadic insights into Turkish culture.

Elif Şafak

  Sometimes observing people in their daily routine and discerning the “small” things embedded in a culture can be more telling than political or economic accounts. Here are some sporadic insights into Turkish culture.

  * It always puzzles me to see the magical conversion of men in our society in the fullness of time. Turkish men have a natural talent to be transformed from authoritarian fathers into sweet grandfathers. Men who have never showed their affection towards their children, men who have never revealed their feelings or fears, men who have now and then beaten their wives and/or their children, men who have ruled the roost with an iron fist, men who believed that children needed more discipline than syrupy sugary love, men who were feared by their family members, men who were authoritarian fathers in their youth... These men change radically as they get older. Somewhere along the road something happens. There are critical turning points in the life of Turkish men. Illness or old age tends to be benchmarks. There is a point after which they become more family-oriented, appreciative of their wives and daughters work, and capable of expressing their feelings. They soften. Little remains of the authoritarian men they once were. They turn into sweet grandfathers -- crazy about their grandchildren. They take their grandchildren to parks, buy them sweets, pamper them with gifts, and they kiss, yes, they do kiss their grandchildren, they do show affection. All the warmth they kept from their own children they finally show to their children s children.

  * Here is another pattern that puzzles me deeply. In Turkey men are the great talkers on social occasions. They talk a blue streak at every social gathering. Women always talk less. And whenever women talk, it is on “womanly” issues, e.g., childcare, cooking, prices and sales, where to travel on holidays, etc. More annoying than this division of topics is the division between public and private space. Turkish men are great talkers in public spaces but as soon as they enter the private domain, as if touched by a magic wand, they fall silent. They do not talk with their wives, they reserve that for the public. Women are the great talkers in homes. If it weren t for them, children would grow up in completely silent houses. This shift occurs every day. As soon as they go out, women become silent and men become talkative.

  * How about women who want to be “brains” and not solely “body,” women who dare to step to the “other” side to get involved in politics and art? These women need to go through a transformation of “defeminization”. They need to become less feminine in order to be more respected. Age is always an asset. The older a woman gets, the easier it becomes to be respected by society. Age and gender are two important criteria in Turkey, but we like to pretend they aren t.

  * The distinction between public and private space is deeply engraved in our collective psyche. We are different people in our homes. We do not see the public domain as belonging to anyone. Coming from the “deep state tradition,” where the state is strong and primary at the expense of civil society and the individual, it is the state that is seen as the owner of the public domain. People do not see the streets or parks or plazas as an extension of their life domain. That is why we are so clean, immaculately clean, inside our homes but we don t hesitate for a moment to litter in the streets.

  * We Turks are still and will always be nomads at heart. The day we stopped galloping freely was a day of misery for us. Every now and then, in order to recall those good old days, Turkish families run to the fields or parks or any piece of green they can lay their hands on. They go there and picnic! When there is no “outside” to picnic in, they create one. We Turks can picnic anywhere as long as we have some red meat to cook and a box of matches to light a fire.